An open letter to the guy I fall for, that actually falls for me too.

I don’t care how we meet. If Tinder is how it happens then so be it, props to the internet. Although, I wouldn’t mind it happening in a coffee shop where I get so perplexed by your beautifully sculpted face, all my change falls horribly to the floor, along with my dignity, and before I even realise it, you’re handing me back a two euro coin and saying the coffee’s on you. Neither of us says anything at first, we just stare into each other’s eyes until we’re politely asked to move along. We go on to have obliviously lengthy and ardent conversations about life, about people, about places, our hobbies, our favourite movies and books, until we’re asked, well told, to leave the store by the not-so-pleased waiter. We leave a tip and walk into the night sky under the street lights, with endless possibilities in sight and a real chance for happiness.

I’ve often taken heed of Shakespeare’s words though when it comes to guys and relationships; “The eyes are the windows to the soul”. If I look into someone’s eyes and there’s an instant connection there, that’s that pin pricking your heart to tell you you’re already done for. That’s what I want, but for him. I want him to feel that way about me too. He’ll start wondering worryingly about what he thinks is going on with us, if he’s just another to add to my list, or if he actually means something to me. He’ll look at all our photos we’ve taken together because it makes him happy. He’ll want to jump my bones with every chance he gets. He’ll make me feel more secure in myself than I ever have before. He’ll fall completely and perfectly in love with me before I even know myself how much I want this too. Not so that I have the upper hand, but so I can experience the other side for once. To experience what it feels like to be more loved than I.

I can’t wait until we meet. I can’t wait to stare at you, because I know you’ll be staring at me before I even look at you. Your eyes will be so captivating I’ll never want to look away, just in case you don’t actually exist. While we’re catching up on this week’s True Detective you’ll reach out to touch my hand on the couch and my heart will light up more than the festival of Lumina. You’ll pull me closer into you so we soon become one shape, but you’ll do it because you want my whole body touching yours. You can’t bare to not have your skin against mine. You’ll slowly but surely incinerate all my insecurities away. Even on the days I feel low you’ll be able make me feel so high. You’ll be the reason I never give up on my dreams. You’ll be my inspiration and my motivation every day. You’ll be the drug I’ll never be able to give up.

We’ll live in a cabin in the woods, because there’s no time in the woods. Living the life of the outback is something we’ve always hoped for. Our souls will become entwined and our hearts will forever be inseverable. I’ll never let you down, because you’ve never given me a reason to. I’ll never hurt you, because you’ve done nothing but build me up from the bottom since you met me.

I just want to say, I love you, whoever you are. You’re going to be my world. You’re going to be my everything. Thinking of the love we’ll share keeps me optimistic, it keeps me going, and I want to thank you for that.


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